When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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