my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
