I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
