I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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