well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
