dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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