what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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