guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
