Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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