Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(586): View more from Michigan

I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk

(586): View more from Michigan

I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite

Fav 4 1549 668
share tweet
(972): View more from Texas

90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina

Fav 7 1136 3565
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"

Fav 31 6279 1201
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

Fav 13 1492 4860
share tweet
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(202): View more from Washington, DC

just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems

Fav 4 3526 1304
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...

Fav 4 1282 966
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(212): View more from New York

Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.

Fav 10 2870 1167
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people

Fav 3 480 769
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(434): View more from Virginia

If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.

Fav 2 210 68
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT