I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..