Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Its my greatest physical accomplishment

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  (248): I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor (248): Its my greatest physical accomplishment http://tfl.nu/iulb
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

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  (757): Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you. http://tfl.nu/6xm5
  Replies (54) Good night (6992) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.

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  (520): i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off. http://tfl.nu/yt3u
  Replies (10) Good night (2794) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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  (910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332
  Replies (11) Good night (806) Bad night (3578)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself

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  (864): Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself http://tfl.nu/j8cd
  Replies (66) Good night (6832) Bad night (1232)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

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  (941): my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store. http://tfl.nu/vfks
  Replies (20) Good night (6242) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7922) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"

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  (512): I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin" http://tfl.nu/ceeo
  Replies (17) Good night (994) Bad night (5082)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.

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  (516): Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back. http://tfl.nu/h2g1
  Replies (26) Good night (9191) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels

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  (803): He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels http://tfl.nu/4za8
  Replies (9) Good night (655) Bad night (1640)
• Favorite

  (529): View more from

  Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.

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  (529): Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble. http://tfl.nu/he57
  Replies (10) Good night (647) Bad night (1575)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta

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  (816): So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta http://tfl.nu/t0pt
  Replies (13) Good night (1598) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?

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  (516): My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently? http://tfl.nu/xsqm
  Replies (5) Good night (488) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken

  (716): View more from New York

  Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.

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  (615): Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken (716): Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital. http://tfl.nu/50ab
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.

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  (904): Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever. http://tfl.nu/o5og
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (242)

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