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• (323): View more from California

  this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude

  (765): View more from Indiana

  call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

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• (516): View more from New York

  i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.

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• (585): View more from New York

  you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.

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  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  You have a 50 50 chance

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again

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• (518): View more from New York

  I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Psychosis secondary to sobriety???

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"

  Fav 4 138 207

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