It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.