dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
lol hangovers are for mortals.