Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.