Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
