if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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