the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
