My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
