I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
