I got chris browned last night
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
