watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
