So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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