People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
