i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
