I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
