I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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