I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
