the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
