Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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