I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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