you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
