Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize