I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
