I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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