Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
