Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
