I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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