she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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