Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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