you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
