My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so let's talk penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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