Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
