She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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