So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
