how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
