I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
