as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
