Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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