I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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