YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
