Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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