yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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