Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't turn off my feet"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
