i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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