I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
