i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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