I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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