All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
