Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
