i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
