is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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