On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
