its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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