I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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