I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He felt like a one man threesome
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
