i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
