She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
