i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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