My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
