Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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