she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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