I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
