just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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