What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
