T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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